things i could do without

if i could just empty out all of my insides, hollow myself out, polish my outsides... fill myself up with self-sustaining energy and wires and cogs and all those shiny, beeping things. children are our future? so is technology.

my brain is fine. intelligent, even, if i may be so arrogant to say so. my hands? fine tools of precision. very proud of them.

but my torso shames me. every function it is assigned to it fails miserably at. it is a weak, miserable wretch of a thing that my body is whipping at, forcing to keep going, going, going, until it collapses and I fall with it.

i want to be a cyborg. that is my lifelong dream.

because with technology? you can choose when it goes to sleep.

Okay

So I am officially off of steroids, I've lost alot of weight, I'm less materialistic, and school is about to end.
School is about to end.
This is a landmark in my life, and even though I loved the people at my school, I hated high school itself. I took out my violin a few days ago. That action in itself should show how much happier I am now that this is finally going to end. I haven't touched my violin in years, have been thinking about playing the past couple weeks, but haven't actually played it until now.
And now it's raining and I'm cleaning up my room.
This is a time of firsts, and these past two years have been filled with them. I've gotten out of my shell, out of the shadows of colors I was swamped in, and into a bright contrasting world filled with both my best times and my worst times. It's like I haven't really lived until something horrible happened to me. And now, even through all of the bad things, I don't want to stop living.

ARTRAGE demo

So since my CS2 is incompatible with my new macbook, I am on a quest to find the "perfect" painter program.
My first trial (after giving up on Paint) was ArtRage.

This was my first attempt. Emily Browning, on Nylon magazine.

Then I just experimented with different brushes and such.

Then I realized that proportions could be upheld, with the "trace" tool. (although to keep my artistic integrity, I only did the outline, and then just used the reference photo as that. a reference.)

Anna Paquin as Rogue

Another Anna Paquin as Rogue 

Anna Paquin and Taylor Kitsch as Rogue and Gambit

Blond Zooey Deschanel

 And, on the last day of my demo...

Donna Noble, quoting Lauren Cooper, all Catherine Tate

The only problem I had with it was the tagging they thought necessary to the images, and that there was a limit to the size of the painting. Other than that, it had all the functions I found necessary when using an Adobe product, I just couldn't find them until the last few days. Then I wondered why I didn't explore every button in the first place

Brushes: 5 out of 5
Format: 4 out of 5
Score: 90%

First March Friday

It's been a few months, but I managed to go again. I wasn't as much of a picture whore this time, but still managed to snap a shot of most of the ones I liked. The first gallery we started off at was at the Latina enthusiast gallery (I don't remember the name of it at all) and it had a few cool graphic novel prints and a few abstract pieces I got into, although I didn't bring out the cameraphone until the second gallery. Works, is the name? Probably?

David Lippenberger's Untitled piece 

ceramic and brass

Those things on the arms? Bugs. Real dead bugs. 

Our reason for coming. Barbara's California piece. The clouds kind of look like a hand.

The second gallery we went to, though, I fell in love with. It was two artists, each claiming a wall, one a sculptor and the other a painter. The paintings I weren't much into, but with the sculptures I took a picture of almost everything. They're by Derek Weisberg, and they're all self-portraits dealing with his angst from his dead mother.

Lifesize mourners

this was pretty intense. death, right in the middle of the room.

the guitar-playing, harmonica-wielding entertainment for the night

On the way back to the car. A window filled with birds.

Left early on in the night, but all in all I saw some pretty cool stuff.

Life is Good

I'm being weaned off steroids, finals are done with, I don't have any F's, christmas break is starting... I am on top of the world.
I have dozens of projects I'm wanting to start on. I hope that I can fit in everything within those two weeks of no school. Or atleast finish a few projects I've been working on.

I should atleast finish this. I started it during the summer.

My main goal this break is to clean my room. Too long has it been the butt of jokes. I will change!

Secret Santa

Three presents. Each under ten dollars, given to the receiver every few days mysteriously.

My imagination went crazy.

a small sample of the lists and plans I made

Broken Down

Applique from Amazon: $4.98

Plain bag from Daiso: $1.50

Compact mirror: $3.44 

Charms for necklace: $2.25

Pearls: Half of a $5 strand

Crimps and spool of string: $2.75

Fimo and white acrylic paint for charm: already had it

Total: $17.42 + intensive labor

She found out who I was by the first gift. But that's okay! I still had fun.

And it ended up that we had each other. The "pick the name from the bag" did not work at all.

Stupid with Colitis

So I'm flaring up again. Fun, fun. I'm hoping it's because of stress, weather, bad food habits, and that it'll all settle down in the next few days before my doctor's appointment. If not, I don't know what new scary medication they'll put me on, seeing as how I'm already on steroids and have been on steroids for a much longer time than I'm comfortable with. I'm hairy, pimply, I have an open sore in my mouth, and my muscles are nothing but worn rubber bands that are about to snap at any moment. And my eyes are blurry as hell.
Ate Red Robin and a milkshake today, which probably didn't help at all. Will eat nothing but bread for the next few days.